Closing out 2014

It's the last day of 2014. A chance to look back at what I have done and what I have become, and a chance to look forward to a future enriched by all that I've learned from what happened in the past.

It's been a difficult year in many ways. A year of learning to let go and say goodbye. A year of fighting to get from one day to the next.A year of fighting to keep my light shining when the darkness was at its deepest.

I have said goodbye to the business that we did have. I have said goodbye to my space in the art gallery. I have said goodbye to my grandmother, who left this world to enter the next. I have said goodbye to my son twice, the first time when he left for bootcamp and the second time when he left for Texas. I have felt crushed by these things, and they have led me to struggle with finding my way in the darkness.

It's been a good year in many ways. I have seen my son graduate high school, and take on responsibilities of caring for himself. I have been blessed by family and friends who surrounded and lifted us up when things got hardest. I have been blessed to know that in spite of everything, I am loved.

I have seen the fruit of our struggles to get my son through school. I have seen the fruit of our struggles to parent him in spite of our own faults and failings. I have seen the fruits of surrounding myself with community and serving others. I have seen the fruits of prayers and of cultivating a close relationship with God.

It's been a year of preparing the ground. I didn't achieve many of my goals. I didn't accomplish the things I had in mind. Instead, as I look back, I realize that the work I have done this year has all gone toward teaching me the things I needed to know to achieve the work that needs to be done in the new year. The ground is now ready, the seeds are beginning to grow, and I have great hopes for 2015.

The business that passed away spurred me on to grow in my understanding of why I failed, and what I could do to succeed. That education was crucial, and the seeds that were planted as I struggled to master what I needed to know are almost ready to begin showing themselves. The poverty that crippled us inspired me to write a book, and to develop a plan for helping others. Those plans are nearly ready.

The struggles to rise up out of poverty inspired me to write other books, and those books are in process, too. I know that these things have been prepared for a purpose and with a reason, as part of God's plan for a future in which I will serve him in a much bigger way than I ever thought possible.

2014 has been a year in which God got me ready for 2015. Everything that happened during it taught me, inspired me, motivated me, and pushed me into doing things I might never have done otherwise. I am grateful for their role, and I am looking forward to seeing the fruits that come of the work that's been done.